This post was written by Jill Turley, senior at Monmouth College and member of the 2015 mission team to the Czech Republic.
I think it’s safe to say everyone has strayed from God at some point, particularly during or after a hardship in their lives. It’s a pretty natural response. Something bad happens that’s out of anyone’s control, we look at God who’s supposed to always want the best for us and can do literally anything, and yet the bad thing still happened. We get mad, we get confused, we have no way of understanding and all we want is answers. When we don’t get answers, we get madder. At this point, usually our fight or flight instinct kicks in, and since we can’t fight God, we usually walk away.
I just want to clarify, I think this is a normal and natural response. Taking a step back from the thing or person that’s making you angry is almost certainly better than fighting.
The danger comes in when you step back and don’t start stepping towards God again.
This is what I was wrestling with right up until leaving for the Czech Republic. God let my world get flipped upside down and devastate my entire family and everyone that’s close to us. The same God had told me to leave my family when we were hurting to go do His will.
This is not a God who is easy to say yes to.
At that time, I felt like I had every right to say no. I was in more pain than I had ever known before, my family needed to stick together, and I had been in turmoil for so long that I just wanted to rest.
God knew all of this; and yet He still called me.
He called me not just for the benefit of those in the Czech Republic, but for my own. Because as much as He is their Heavenly Father, He is mine as well. He loves me just as much. He wanted to use people in Czech to help heal me probably much more than I was able to help them. In Czech, they started planting in me seeds of healing. This doesn’t mean I’m not still in pain.
This doesn’t mean I’m not still confused or have anger in my heart. It means that I’m asking God every day to help me through that turmoil. And when you pursue Christ in the midst of pain, He makes the pain bearable. He guides us on how to move forward. And that will be enough.
Because I am His, and He is mine.